Bananas Bug Me (Ramblings September 09)

You know what bugs me; bananas.  There I said it.

Yesterday I bought two bananas.  The one consumed yesterday was moderately tolerable.  I made the mistake of attempting to eat the second banana one day later.  It was of course all sorts of fucked up on the inside.  I attempted to remove the deformities by cutting off sizable chunks of the shitty banana.  I soon became so disgusted that I heaved the entire fruit in the trash bin.

The taste of the banana BARELY tolerable to me.  Barely tolerable, but for a fruit it tastes just awful.  Fruits are supposed to taste sweet and delicious, not mild and uneventful.  It's most likely the worst tasting fruit on earth.  It is amazing how such a below average miserable fruit could also be comparably fucking needy at the same time.  You eat a banana a day after its purchase and it reverts to a state of rotting mush.  You can store an orange in the refrigerator for a month and it still tastes god damn delicious.  Even the apple tastes much better and stores longer then the banana.

For that matter, at least the apple is somewhat local.  I have seen many apple trees in my day.  I even remember pelting friends in grade school with apples.  Though I never remember boomeranging a fucking banana at some shitty kid I didn't like.  I have never even seen a banana tree in a movie for that matter.  I have begun to question whether or not they really exist.  Where the fuck do bananas even come from?  I don't know check the wiki link above, I didn't feel like looking.  I would assume they come from some underdeveloped country around Central America that was once upon a time decimated by imperialism, which is now reduced to exporting this pathetic fruit.  Can you imagine if your livelihood depended on the success of a banana.  Do you know how much your life would fucking suck?

So a logical being may ask "why do you keep buying bananas?"

Well for starters I am usually on the run and often try to purchase items at random stores that aren't completely terrible for you.  And it usually seems stores around here have an abundance of this particular fruit.  I see a stockpile of fruit and I figure this might even be the stores specialty.  I figure the fruit is really fucking popular or something.  In my book a stockpile of fruit gives the false impression of credibility.  Also, its like if you don't buy one you're a fucking loser or something.  Apparently everyone is doing it, why the hell else would they always have so many in stock to sell?   

Oh and of course the bananas are always "organic."  Wait a minute, THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY THOSE BANANAS ARE ORGANIC.  I REFUSE to believe it.  So you are going to swear by your life right now that this god damn banana sitting on your shit shelf didn't suck up one trace of pesticide?  I wouldn't lie because I'm taking this specimen back to my lab after I leave.  I'm going to come back and TRASH up your store if it fails the tests.  And I know you bought those god-damn "organic" labels off EBay.  I bet you put those stickers on the candy bars as well.  P.S- SCREW YOU CROOKS.

A person once valiantly defended the banana and fired at me: "you have to pick them out right."  Fine this fruit is so god-damn needy there is an art on how to pick it out.  Well lets say I might want to consume two disgusting bananas during the course of the day.  I could buy two shitty yellow bananas, but then I'd have to eat both on the first day.  By the second day the insides turn to filth, so if you don't eat both you are FUCKED.  What if something comes up and I only get to eat one?  Tough luck.  But hell if I know if I'm even going to feel like eating two bananas.  I really have no idea how many bananas I will eat in the next 24 hour period.  These timing issues simply do not work for me, what can I say I'm an unpredictable mother fucker.

The same person also went on to valiantly defend the banana by asking "do you know what fruit has to go through to get to the store?"  Um, no? How the hell would I know?  So you are saying I should express some sort of sympathy and buy the fruit simply because it had a long journey?  That is the WORST fucking logic I have ever heard.  That would be like buying a mound of dog shit that was on the shelf simply because it came all the way from China.  Would you give a girl who is an awful human being a chance just because she came from a country on the other side of the globe?  FUCK ME, don't answer that.

That being said I have a feeling it didn't go through so much to get to the store considering it costs around a dollar, even in an overpriced store.  Oh and by the way I only have two one-dollar bills, so don't even think about charging me one dollar and 15 worthless cents.  I would throw the remaining 85 cents against your wall on principle if you subject me to this.  That is about what I think of your piss annoying change that has been god knows where.  Actually, keep the fucking change, here take TWO DOLLARS.  The fuck do I care?

That's a pretty good margin for selling the most atrocious species of fruit on this planet.