Lessons Learned: October

What a fabulous day. Today your company actually asked you to list some “lessons learned” relating to the last project (which had a duration of 5 months). You are to submit to your supervisor by the end of the day. A very cool concept:

FORCED FEEDBACK

“TELL ME WHAT YOU LEARNED?  NOW!?!?!?!”

“HAVE IT SUBMITTED BY THE END OF THE DAY.”

Um ok?

Well come to think of it we are all constantly learning, no matter how repetitive our current situation may seem. In honor of the great forced feedback concept I have decided to make a list of a few things I have learned over the past month. Maybe I will even submit the list to my boss.

Here we go:

1)  I have learned how to access Facebook and Gmail at work, even know they are technically “blocked”.

2)  I have learned that the ability to completely “zone people out” while they are talking is an incredibly powerful and underestimated weapon. Especially with a bullshit job like mine.

3)  I have learned that if my boss “shoots me an email” I should probably immediately log off of twitter, Gtalk, Facebook and/or my blog. This is a WARNING; she could bolt over and explain the email in less than a minute.  Do NOT get caught red handed.

4)  I have learned if I am caught red handed I should just quickly “X” everything out even though my boss is standing there. She sees it game over, just move on. 

5)  I have learned that if I let some drunk idiot at the club draw all over my hand the night before, it’s probably a good idea to clean it off before work the next day. Your boss may very well ask: “what the hell is that all over your hand?”

6)  I have learned that in some clubs “24” isn’t just old, it’s ancient.

7)  I have learned that I will not forget someone’s name or lose their number if they write it all over my hand.

8)  I have learned that it can be thrilling to run through the hood at 2:30 a.m to get home. I didn't even get stabbed or robbed, man I'm fast!

9)  I have learned how to explain the state of my life is in three words: “An Impossible Balance.” Then I can just expand from there if I need to. This is a VERY useful tool. How many times have you run into an old friend only to be asked “so what have you been up to?” So she wants an in-depth explanation regarding your life in a sentence, well GIVE it to her.

10)  I have learned that my job is REALLY worthless. I just went out drinking Wednesday and Thursday night, and here I am sitting my desk Friday, STILL able to somewhat accomplish whatever “work” requires attention. This is impressive considering I have only slept 8 out of the last 55 hours. 

11)  I have learned the body can build an immunity to 5-Hour Energy’s VERY quickly. I already need 2 black “extra strength” bottles to get a substantial boast.

12)  I have learned that 5-Hour Energy's can ruin lives.

13)  I have learned that I can’t actually remember the longest span I have gone without drinking alcohol during the last two years. That’s probably bad.

14)  I have learned that the majority of the population is what I like to call “plan-whores.” This is simply how they operate.

15)  I have learned that plan-whores are the “rake” for poker players. It’s impossible for a poker player to not have a plan. The phrase “nothing to do” doesn’t register, at a minimum there is online poker.

16)  I have learned NOT to join recreational sports leagues, especially on the weekends. Why the hell would you plan-whore yourself to 8 Saturday’s in a row? Do you really know what you will feel like doing 1 week from now, much less 7 weeks from now?

17)  I have learned that Boone's Farm wine isn’t really that cheap. You will understand when you have to pay that $3,500 dental bill without insurance.  For those of you who aren't familiar a bottle of Blue Hawaiian Boone's Farm is displayed on the right.  Blue Hawaiian is pretty much the god of all Boones Farm flavors.

18)  I have learned there is a type of girl known as “the boy-friend girl.” She literally can’t go four sentences regarding any subject without saying: “MY boyfriend.” It’s like ok we believe you have a boyfriend, we get it; relax. 

19)  I have learned that age is mostly a state of mind. You can be 50 and feel 21, or you can be 21 and feel 50.

20)  I have learned that wearing headphones and blaring them at work does not cause people to annoy you less. People usually respond by walking up and punching you, which bothers you even more.

21)  I have learned that I feel like I’m 40, even though I’m only in my mid-20's. I blame corporate.

22)  Males may be generally stronger physically, but I have learned females are MUCH stronger in other respects. For example, wearing 8-inch heels in the rain. Now that is fucking tough.

23)  I have learned I will never fully respect myself until I give my dreams a shot and quit this job.

24)  I have learned that curiosity did not kill that cat; BOREDOM killed the cat. This job is proof.

25)  I have learned not to call the girl back that I met at the club who was 20-years old, drop dead gorgeous, without schooling, living at her parents, and without a job that would allow her to move out.

....ok no I haven’t.